GirlDad

A week since Kobe Bryant's passing and the sports world is still in shock. YouTube is still chock full of video tributes and past interviews and games and talk shows... Emmanuel is slowly limping back from this shock.Losing JuiceWrld was bad enough and to have that compounded by this tragedy was too much for him. He is a very even keeled kid most of the time with spurts of emotion befitting a teenager until now and this twin loss was a bit too much. He was talking about how he really was a fan of these people and they both went and died on him. I clarified to him, that that was a coincidence, not the cause.The nineteen year old invincible self can take a shaking when something like this happens in such quick succession and it takes a forty seven year old oldie to explain to the nineteen year old that death is inevitable and happens despite any hopes to the contrary, at the predetermined time.
But that outpouring of grief from my kid made me take a closer look at what Kobe Bryant was all about. I've never been a Lakers fan ever. I sometimes attribute my son's NBA craze to me watching the Western Conference semifinals over Memorial Day weekend, 2000, in my second trimester, in San Jose when the Blazers played the...Lakers.
Anyway, Kobe Bryant was one of a few brilliant players to play basketball and I never followed his career trajectory and I never wavered in my devotion to the Blazers. His sexual assault scandal was just a brief eyeroll in my life and I did not even keep track of that.
So his passing last week and the seemingly disproportionate outpouring of grief caught my attention and I started looking into it. He was a phenomenal player no doubt. But he was retired, out of the limelight and seemingly well settled in his pursuit of whatever it was he was pursuing.
And then, I read about his daughter. And how she was very promising as a basketball player and how he was her coach and had a team going. My interest was piqued and I watched and read more on that. The more I read, the more impressed I was with the guy. Not the basketball player, but the Dad. His pride in his kids, his obvious joy in having four daughters. His chest puffing up when he mentioned their achievements. His chuckle at how he gives up the remote and doesn't dare pick it up for any reason at home. His ease when talking about changing his kid's diaper. His belting out Moana and Frozen and all the girlie movie songs with absolute relish. And this was a guy who played a very fast paced male dominated game with so much adrenaline flowing every second. And here he was melting into a puddle talking about his girls!
His pride peaked when he mentioned how his daughter was on her way to picking up his mantle and when people told him he needed to have a son to carry on his legacy, she corrected them going,"I got this!"
Whatever  happened in that hotel room in Colorado, one might conjecture, but his failing as a husband can never take away from the fact that it seems he was an absolutely devoted father of four girls and seemed to have absolutely no regrets about not having a son.
The fact that somehow one's legacy is carried on only by male children has been literally imprinted in the human mind since time immemorial  and it seems to me that Kobe has nudged the needle a little bit in the other direction. Unfortunately it has taken something this heartbreaking, to shine some light on what is obviously an unfair practice. But hopefully, the momentum is not lost.
As a girl with only a sister and no brothers to carry on the family legacy so to speak, I can see the disappointment that men might have, at not having a son.

My dad recovered pretty quick! He would occasionally joke about not having a son, but never ever say he was unhappy with us. He educated us as he would have a son and was enormously proud of our achievements.As much as he would have loved for my sister and I to have gone into the professional world, he completely understands and encourages our choice to be stay at home moms and never ever berates us about that. For a man from the previous generation, that is commendable. Since I have no daughters, the GirlDad experience is denied my husband, the poor guy!

The sadder part of  Kobe's accident was the fact that his daughter died with him. A child full of promise and on the cusp of stepping into her father's shoes. The loss of a child is the most unbearable thing a parent has to go through and my heart goes out to his wife who has to deal with this unspeakable double loss. In a weird way, one can take comfort in the fact that father and daughter are still playing hoops up there to their heart's content.
So to all the parents out there, love your kids. I know you love them to bits, but go on, love them more. Life is fickle. Take pride in them. Even if they are not following your footsteps. For your job is not  to carve a path in front of them. It is to walk behind them in the path they carve for themselves and give them support every time they fall down, help them get up, dust off and walk on. When they realize their dreams, with your help, I am sure the joy is immeasurable, the satisfaction unparalleled.
Here's to all GirlDads out there!! Take pride in your daughters and enjoy your unique experience. And remember, you are truly nurturing the next generation.For all the pride about having boys, not one of them can nurture life in them and bring forth a human being into this world. And compete and survive in a world dominated still by the supposedly stronger gender. Here's to you!