A funny thing happened on the way to the forum!

So I wake up this Thursday to a flurry of forwards on WhatsApp from a college mate of mine from ACCET.
Our 25th reunion is coming up this year and Vincent and I were scratching our heads about going, considering it is two tickets instead of one.The downside of marrying your classmate I guess!
Anyway, to me it was challenging in its own way because who wants to go back to a place where you acquired a professional degree and tell them you didn't use that degree productively? That you don't have a success story to tout? Not that I am not happy where I am in life, but I think that a reunion is the worst place to go and claim you didn't make it!

In truth it is more for practical reasons that we were hesitating. Manny will start college in August, and while it might be some place close to home, he also has offers from farther away and might end up moving there. We have relatives from India visiting us over this summer and I cannot imagine squeezing in a trip to India in the midst of all this. Vincent being Vincent....you know the drill.

I guess this reunion talk brings out that nostalgic walk down memory lane for everyone concerned. Apparently one of our classmates whom we had met briefly when he visited Oregon on official business had mentioned how surprised he had been when the Vincent and I got married because there was no hint of any attachment on either side that was obvious to anyone back in college. And here's the clincher: He said something to the effect of that he was looking at his autograph book from 1994 to see if people who had mentioned their ambitions had reached it in 25 years time and noticed that I had it(by which I assumed, he meant I knew what I wanted, not that I had actually achieved it). And here's the rub -he was curious about whether Vincent had ever seen what my ambition was. And my friend, the one who forwarded it to me wanted to know if I remembered what I had written. For someone who struggles to remember what I told my kid yesterday, that was a tall order.
I told her I didn't and I would actually love to know what I had written. This classmate sent a photograph of my writings in his autograph book and boy was I embarrassed!!

I was so sure I had written something to the effect of being the CEO of a big company or some such dramatic thing. Or maybe an officer with the Indian government. Or the prime Minister of India...I don't know. So I looked at the photo and burst into laughter! I had written that I would love to be a stay-at-home mom if my hubby was okay with it. I didn't just stop there. I also mentioned that I would fight tooth and nail NOT to be a career woman. Egads!!! Graduating out of Engineering college with the steadfast aim of not making use of that education seems so...so..counter intuitive? I guess Suresh caught me on a  crazy day?!
But some of my other classmates found that bit of scribbling, very mature and clearheaded on my part...mature? Clearheaded??? Vincent and I were reading it and he was laughing at my reaction to my twenty one year old self's cocksure attitude.
Another person had commented on my language skills. And it hit me, why my ambition was what it was. I was not learning what I wanted to learn. I've always wanted to go into Creative Writing and didn't pursue that in college. Ergo, I couldn't foresee myself using what I learnt in that institution on a daily basis. I don't think it was some highfalutin concept of ethics. It was just the sheer annoyance of doing something that in Marie Kondo's words, doesn't 'spark joy'.
But with that ambition in mind, why, oh, why did I pursue a master's degree? Dutiful daughter I guess.
Some masochistic boys (I intentionally use the term boys, because you have to be a very immature, at any age, to say or do what you just said or did) have nonchalantly accused female classmates of 'wasting' a college seat which could have gone to a candidate who would have used it better.

Why should acquiring an education be tied into that being used productively ( I use the word loosely)? I was listening to a radio show one day and the DJ made a list of things he had learnt in school that he absolutely did not use in life -ever. So having learnt the pythagorean theorem is a waste, if only because you are not a mathematician or an engineer? Knowledge is knowledge isn't it? If it moves your intellect along even one single step,then it was a productive use of that knowledge isn't it?

I have to confess that I was briefly employed, and I was actually doing what I loved to do. I worked on quite a few issues of a monthly newsletter to be circulated to customers of a cellphone company based in Haryana, Uttar Pradesh and Bihar. So I did have a brief taste of what I could have been doing for the rest of my life. But I got married and moving here required a reset, and considering the software boom of the nineties, I fell prey to that siren call and started taking coding courses, but the birth of my older son sealed it for me. I somehow couldn't imagine juggling multiple things and being able to do justice to everything. Either I would run myself ragged, or everyone (or someone) would have to pull more than their weight to make things run like a well oiled machine.

There are myriad ways I could have made things work. Part time employment, change of career fields, working from home..but at the end of the day I'm happy where we are, doing what we do. We are single income family but we are doing well.

I think fulfillment comes in very different ways to us. It need not necessarily be a career that gives you that sense of fulfillment. I have a close friend who worked for the Federal government but now teaches Carnatic music to kids. She loves every minute of it. I know another, who was in HR, gave it up to rear her son, and is now dipping her toe in the professional world again. But guess where she started? A winery!! She took the requisite courses and worked there and absolutely loved it.

My point is that we all want to feel productive and how we decide to be productive is up to us. But productivity as a goal should not be tied in to monetary considerations. I have had a very close family member (on my side, my in-laws are divine!) comment on how my intelligence is a waste because I did not use it professionally. Whatever!!

I have realized my ambition from twenty five years ago!! Or as I jokingly told me friends, when your ambition is not to have any, then it is an easy goal to reach.Doesn't take too long either!

I am sitting on the couch in my kitchen and I look around. I see the remnants of our lunch on the countertop.There is batter for dosai fermenting on the kitchen island.A freshly baked loaf of bread is cooling near it (not my work,it is Vincent's). I baked a loaf of Keto bread yesterday. Yup he is still on that darn diet. I'm going to start adding a tablespoon of all purpose flour into everything he eats, if he plans on keeping it up. I do not have too many time saving devices in the house, because I have time to spare. I make my own mayonnaise. And ranch dressing. Both my kids love to cook, but that is because they love it, not because of necessity.

 My kitchen is messy, but that is from overuse, not neglect. I have some clothes sitting around waiting to be folded and put away. My floors could do with a sweeping, but they are not dirty. My kids know mom is at their beck and call (but do know how to use that option judiciously). My husband knows he can text me anytime of the day and ask me to call a tree guy to come over and spray the peach tree in my backyard that has bugs. My life has a slower pace, but I'm not idle. I take time for Tai Chi. I volunteer at the library. I gossip with my friends. We sometimes go to movies on Tuesdays, this gaggle of ladies. I go earring shopping when the mood hits me. Heck, I go grocery shopping when the mood hits me!
And the end of the day, I do feel like it was a productive day, everyday. Because, I like what I am doing. And that is what being productive is all about. Feeling good about what you do.
And if I am someone who has actually realized my ambitions, I should probably go the reunion after all!!

P.S: Yes, I managed to snag a husband who said  I could do whatever I want! Work, not work, it was for me to decide!! So a great big thank you to Vincent for helping me realize my ambition!!