I lay back as they place this tiny, tiny human being on my stomach, all wet and slimy and ....tiny, and the first thought that goes through my mind is," Gosh! He looks just like me!!". I close my eyes in contentment, not foreseeing the years ahead and suddenly I feel stubble scraping my cheek and my eyes fly open and - it has been eighteen years already?!
I am hugging him tight because we are standing in front of his dorm and he is about to walk away, away from life as my little kid into a life of independence. A student who still depends on us for food and lodging and books and all and sundry, but independent nonetheless. We have just finished our last round of shopping for his dorm room and he is laden with stuff he needs to haul back there. But I know he is heavyhearted at this parting. I take a deep breath, push him away and let him go. He mumbles something about coming home for Fall break in October which is just eight weeks away and I nod in agreement and my little one breaks the tension by demanding a hug from his brother and then, we're off.
We fly out early next day and are at home by the time he finishes his first class for the day.
I have this annoying habit of living the week before some significant separation by looking at every occurrence and going, "Won't be doing this next week". I've done this when we moved houses, when we took trips to India, even vacations here. I did this mentally with my kid his last week here when the realization that I should have begun this last year itself, hit me. Like last September itself, I should have gone,"Well, won't be able to do this next year with him! Maudlin huh?
It is a huge step in his life and ours. A huge change, however you look at it. Zooming in or zooming out.
Simple things like grocery shopping is tough..your eyes automatically seek out things that he likes that you no longer need to buy-in my case, Biscoff, he absolutely loves it and I bought him a pack in Omaha. But Freddy's had a sale and my hands itch to stock up, until it hits me- forget stocking up, I don't even need a single package.
Post Malone is tough to hear on the radio. His latest hit is about being bad at saying goodbye and this kid mentioned last week that he was bad at it too. I was driving today and the song came on and I imagined him sitting in the passenger seat humming along. He introduced me to Khalid and Juiceworld and a host of rap artists I absolutely can't stand. I will still listen to them in the car because the younger brother is a fan too, but it will always remind me of Emmanuel.
I was driving to Costco today along a shortcut he taught me only a couple of weeks ago and it seemed like it had happened aeons ago. I miss being able to cajole him into a quick grocery run to get a last minute ingredient for some dish I make. We've graduated to me fiddling around with my phone without worry when he drives. I graduated from yelling at him for everything he did behind the wheel, to that in a few months, but I miss it.
How do you pick out special instances or memorable ones out of eighteen years? Everything is special, it might be actually trivial, but it is special. Today is trash day and for the first time in a very long time, we do it ourselves.He has left a reminder of the alternating schedule between Yard Debris and Recycling just to make sure we put the right can out, but that we even need it and this might be for ever, is sobering.
To me there is no upside to him leaving home for college.Yes, it is for his betterment, yes he picked a school he liked, yes it is a good college, but no, I didn't want to let him go!
Whoa! I got interrupted while blogging-by a phone call from the kid! That was what I was about to write about next.
There was this understanding that he would give us a five minute phone call every single day before going to bed. Which suggestion was not followed even on day one. We( by we, I mean my better half who walked around with my phone waiting for him to call..) broke down and called him. But he has been making WhatsApp video calls if time permits.
He is happy, seems to be adjusting well to life at Creighton and while I know he might have occasional bouts of homesickness, he knows we are a phone call away and what with today's technological marvels, he can see us and talk to us unlike days of yore when I used make calls once a fortnight to my parents when I was away in college.
Which brings me to my parents-they had to let a daughter travel to a college nine hours away and they did it without any hesitation. That was twenty nine years ago but the heartache must have been the same. I remember being told that my dad used to cry into his food whenever it happened to be something I liked. I, on the other hand had a grand time. I was homesick once in a while the first year, but overall I did not give much thought to my parents and how the separation affected them.
But now the tables are turned and I am the parent and I can see how difficult it must have been for them. And the fact that a thousand freshmen moved into the dorm in my son's college means there were at least the same number of distraught parents(approximately discounting the ones who weren't doing this for the first time and were therefore less affected by it). Which means this is a rite of passage in a gazillion households the world over, every year. My case is not special. I know two other ladies I went to school with who are sending kids away to undergraduate school and two ladies who went to college with me, sent their kids abroad for higher studies.
But my experience is mine to live through and I will process it in my own time. I picked up the courage to clean up his room, not packing all his stuff away, but putting them out of reach in closets and storage boxes. His room is still his (in spite of the brother having moved in the very day we flew in from Omaha!), his stuff is still there, more neatly put away I should add. But this will only be a way stop for him, somewhere he comes to take breaks, his main living space being elsewhere. Which is a rite of passage for every human being but a difficult one nonetheless. But it has to be done, and we all come out better on the other side. We learn to handle life better, without taking shelter in our parents' shadow. We make friends for life. Heck, we fall in love and find our better half there sometimes. Emmanuel's roommate's parents met in the very same college and fell in love and got married. So it is a huge step for any child and I think mine is well equipped to handle it. If not, he will have to learn will he not?
So yes, I will let(him) go and focus on what is ahead. I am already planning on asking him for a list of dishes he wants me to make for him when he comes home for fall break. I am planning my library volunteering schedule. Lining up gymnastics and swimming and other stuff for the younger one. Life goes on and your life is yours to live. Read somewhere that every person has two lives.The second one begins when you discover that you have only one.
He is living his and I, mine. Both, hopefully fulfilling to both of us.
The umbilical cord was cut almost nineteen years ago, but it is truly severed now. But that means he is a new life, taking his own breath and living by himself.
Enjoy this great experience Emmanuel! But remember, you are surrounded by love and we are always there for you.Ciao!!
I am hugging him tight because we are standing in front of his dorm and he is about to walk away, away from life as my little kid into a life of independence. A student who still depends on us for food and lodging and books and all and sundry, but independent nonetheless. We have just finished our last round of shopping for his dorm room and he is laden with stuff he needs to haul back there. But I know he is heavyhearted at this parting. I take a deep breath, push him away and let him go. He mumbles something about coming home for Fall break in October which is just eight weeks away and I nod in agreement and my little one breaks the tension by demanding a hug from his brother and then, we're off.
We fly out early next day and are at home by the time he finishes his first class for the day.
I have this annoying habit of living the week before some significant separation by looking at every occurrence and going, "Won't be doing this next week". I've done this when we moved houses, when we took trips to India, even vacations here. I did this mentally with my kid his last week here when the realization that I should have begun this last year itself, hit me. Like last September itself, I should have gone,"Well, won't be able to do this next year with him! Maudlin huh?
It is a huge step in his life and ours. A huge change, however you look at it. Zooming in or zooming out.
Simple things like grocery shopping is tough..your eyes automatically seek out things that he likes that you no longer need to buy-in my case, Biscoff, he absolutely loves it and I bought him a pack in Omaha. But Freddy's had a sale and my hands itch to stock up, until it hits me- forget stocking up, I don't even need a single package.
Post Malone is tough to hear on the radio. His latest hit is about being bad at saying goodbye and this kid mentioned last week that he was bad at it too. I was driving today and the song came on and I imagined him sitting in the passenger seat humming along. He introduced me to Khalid and Juiceworld and a host of rap artists I absolutely can't stand. I will still listen to them in the car because the younger brother is a fan too, but it will always remind me of Emmanuel.
I was driving to Costco today along a shortcut he taught me only a couple of weeks ago and it seemed like it had happened aeons ago. I miss being able to cajole him into a quick grocery run to get a last minute ingredient for some dish I make. We've graduated to me fiddling around with my phone without worry when he drives. I graduated from yelling at him for everything he did behind the wheel, to that in a few months, but I miss it.
How do you pick out special instances or memorable ones out of eighteen years? Everything is special, it might be actually trivial, but it is special. Today is trash day and for the first time in a very long time, we do it ourselves.He has left a reminder of the alternating schedule between Yard Debris and Recycling just to make sure we put the right can out, but that we even need it and this might be for ever, is sobering.
To me there is no upside to him leaving home for college.Yes, it is for his betterment, yes he picked a school he liked, yes it is a good college, but no, I didn't want to let him go!
Whoa! I got interrupted while blogging-by a phone call from the kid! That was what I was about to write about next.
There was this understanding that he would give us a five minute phone call every single day before going to bed. Which suggestion was not followed even on day one. We( by we, I mean my better half who walked around with my phone waiting for him to call..) broke down and called him. But he has been making WhatsApp video calls if time permits.
He is happy, seems to be adjusting well to life at Creighton and while I know he might have occasional bouts of homesickness, he knows we are a phone call away and what with today's technological marvels, he can see us and talk to us unlike days of yore when I used make calls once a fortnight to my parents when I was away in college.
Which brings me to my parents-they had to let a daughter travel to a college nine hours away and they did it without any hesitation. That was twenty nine years ago but the heartache must have been the same. I remember being told that my dad used to cry into his food whenever it happened to be something I liked. I, on the other hand had a grand time. I was homesick once in a while the first year, but overall I did not give much thought to my parents and how the separation affected them.
But now the tables are turned and I am the parent and I can see how difficult it must have been for them. And the fact that a thousand freshmen moved into the dorm in my son's college means there were at least the same number of distraught parents(approximately discounting the ones who weren't doing this for the first time and were therefore less affected by it). Which means this is a rite of passage in a gazillion households the world over, every year. My case is not special. I know two other ladies I went to school with who are sending kids away to undergraduate school and two ladies who went to college with me, sent their kids abroad for higher studies.
But my experience is mine to live through and I will process it in my own time. I picked up the courage to clean up his room, not packing all his stuff away, but putting them out of reach in closets and storage boxes. His room is still his (in spite of the brother having moved in the very day we flew in from Omaha!), his stuff is still there, more neatly put away I should add. But this will only be a way stop for him, somewhere he comes to take breaks, his main living space being elsewhere. Which is a rite of passage for every human being but a difficult one nonetheless. But it has to be done, and we all come out better on the other side. We learn to handle life better, without taking shelter in our parents' shadow. We make friends for life. Heck, we fall in love and find our better half there sometimes. Emmanuel's roommate's parents met in the very same college and fell in love and got married. So it is a huge step for any child and I think mine is well equipped to handle it. If not, he will have to learn will he not?
So yes, I will let(him) go and focus on what is ahead. I am already planning on asking him for a list of dishes he wants me to make for him when he comes home for fall break. I am planning my library volunteering schedule. Lining up gymnastics and swimming and other stuff for the younger one. Life goes on and your life is yours to live. Read somewhere that every person has two lives.The second one begins when you discover that you have only one.
He is living his and I, mine. Both, hopefully fulfilling to both of us.
The umbilical cord was cut almost nineteen years ago, but it is truly severed now. But that means he is a new life, taking his own breath and living by himself.
Enjoy this great experience Emmanuel! But remember, you are surrounded by love and we are always there for you.Ciao!!
💙💙💙 You're doing great in your new role. Very proud of you! 💙💙💙
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