That caught your attention didn't it?
For the record, I don’t know the guy personally, I’ve just watched a few movies of his and don’t actually consider him the bee’s knees.He is an okay actor, a looker, true, but Dhanush can eat him up for dinner. But in a funny sense, he did save my life, metaphorically not literally.
I discuss this with my school friends a lot on our Whatsapp group all the time.Whoever said 40 is the new 30, was most definitely not a woman. And there are multiple websites and blogs that would bear out my statement. Forties is when your female body decides, somewhat half heartedly, that it should, maybe, revert to that eleven year old, prepubescent self of yonder years. Those days of languor when you didn't worry about what each month brought or if you were well prepared for it. That sledgehammer of emotions accompanying that monthly visitor.The changes in your body that frankly fascinate and disgust you simultaneously.
But as with everything in life, walking back something is no easy task. So the body decides to tackle this monumental task full force.There is no gentle nudging.There is no cajoling.There is just this horrible horrible push back. Fast forward in reverse. But remember how your hormones made you feel and do crazy things? The cramps, the flooding, the back ache, the fatigue, the achy breaky legs, the acne, the nausea, the indigestion, the heartburn, the headaches, not to speak of the mood swings, the anxiety, the sadness and unexplained bouts of hysterical happiness -true we all had some or all of it at different times in different combinations, but have them we all did- all of it comes back, but a 30-40 year span of experiencing them is compressed into maybe a minimum of five and a maximum of ten years. All forty years worth of it!!
I know some ladies reading this go,"Well, I don't know what she's talking about,I am fine.Yeah, I have the occasional mood swing or a hot flush, but I'm okay overall." Happy you!! Looking back, we can all recollect...Eeeks!! forgot to mention the forgetfulness and mental fog!!!...okay, deep breaths..mmmmm what was I saying again?
Like I was saying, not everyone experiences the same set of horrors, and lifestyle variations can cause a difference in our perimenopausal symptoms too. Korean women sail through perimenopause and even menopause because of the amount of tofu ingested (or so I've read). It is the estrogen that soy provides. Maternal experience can be an indicator of what you will go through too. So ask your Mom. But mine said she prayed her anxiety away, so no help there for me. Siblings are a great help.Horror stories can be compared and contrasted and a timeline developed.An older sibling is of immense help. Especially if the genetic thing works.You can track you trajectory based on her experience. Mine is almost on a similar timeline as I am. But it helps though.
There are blogs that educate you and then let you vent. I mostly look at the comments section to see our sisters in misery share their stories. And stories they are! The sheer spectrum of experience that you read about is very enlightening. The multiple trips to the ER. The hot flushes requiring changes in attire or bed linens.The mind numbing fatigue. The emotional roller coaster. Ironically it makes you feel good about yourself. Not just because misery needs company, but because you feel normal at least for a while. Until your monkey brain climbs back on that wheel of misery.
Personally for me, the realization that there is no rhyme or reason for the roller coaster of physical and emotional symptoms was very reassuring. The one word that popped up over and over again in those blogs and comments sections was, drum roll please, 'crazy'. The reassurance by the blogger that you were not crazy and the comments from all those helpless souls that they thought they were crazy and were relieved they were not! For cheap thrills, google 'the 35 symptoms of menopause' and go down that boulevard of terror. Nightmare on Elm Street got nothing on it.
The other experience that caught my attention was how, for me, like for many other women, things went downhill overnight. I woke up one day feeling out of control. I still remember the day. And I still haven't regained my composure. I haven't gone back to that person I was before that day. It seems like a distant memory. Some days my fogged up brain yearns for the clarity I possessed before that day. The sense of ease. It has been more than three years now and after running around like a chicken with its head cut off and visiting my doctor more times than I really would like to, I've gritted my teeth and am in this for the long haul.Even if I am an average perimenopausal duration kind of woman, I have a few more years of, excuse the word, craziness to go. So, I might not grin and bear it, but what choice do I have? Besides I've been told it hits a peak and then there is a down hill for the symptoms.
But through it all the one thing that I still possess is my mind, foggy as it is, and God forbid, it still functions. Forgetfulness is a faithful companion. Even the other day I kept staring at a plant in the house whose name I know really well, but I drew a blank. But two days later, I had it! Wigella.
So my mostly sane mind is both friend and foe. It makes me pull back from full fledged paranoia and also ironically, pushes me to the edge. Perimenopause, I have learnt is unique in the fact that there is no official diagnosis (easy one I mean). Hormones are fluctuating so much, even a saliva test cannot completely confirm it. The symptoms are all over the place that tracking them or even expecting a pattern out of them is too much to ask for. I had a school friend say she used to have different symptoms everyday. I completely agree with her. I usually wake up, and it takes a few hours before I know what my day is going to be like. Whether my complaint of the day will be a persistent headache, or stomach issues, or heart palpitations, it's all up in the air. It is like the flavor of the day-surprise!! And unlike PMS, the end of your cycle doesn't free you of the symptoms.You merely end up with other ones.
Birth control in its own way is supposed to help, but then again, like death and taxes, menopause is inevitable too isn't it? Natural remedies like some herbs help. Bioidentical progesterone is supposed to help too. So all is not lost, but again reading comments from my sisters in misery, these remedies seem to dole out relief to a select lucky few picked seemingly at random. So expecting some relief is good, but you might have to have help from a naturopath who might suggest things that again, might or might not help. Feeling lucky about the lottery?
I know, I know, I sound like gloom and doom, which incidentally is my state of mind most of the time. The best part about this is that it will end. It.Will. End. For sure. Ask your mom, your aunts, your mother-in-law. My Tai Chi teacher, a wise soul if I have ever seen one, who describes even seemingly tame maneuvers with descriptions like,"You are kicking him in the groin!" (which same move was described by a male teacher as a simple upward kick), said, "Honey,you will be so happy on the other side!You will be your sweet 11 year old self again!"
So yes, there is light at the end of the tunnel. But no stopping and staring and willing it to come closer. It doesn't work that way. If anything, doing nothing befuddles you and fogs up that light.
What helps me best is diversionary tactics.Things that take my mind off that persistent crick in my neck, or that lingering sense of unease. I am very social and make good use of that. I go out.As much as I'd rather curl up in bed with a book, I drag myself out.I volunteer in the library. Twice a week. I feel so worked up some days. But around people, you can't afford to scream primally or sob terrifyingly. So you learn to put your mind to work. You swallow all those weird sensations and impulses.
Mindfulness helps immensely.Acknowledge whatever it is you are feeling and move on. When I get a seemingly new symptom that I am sure is the one that will kill me, I usual think back to when I know I had it before. I will think about the intensity the last time around, the duration and then, will decide to wait it out this time around too. And almost all the time, it works. Remember I mentioned waking up in the morning and finding out what the symptom of the day is? Very few are persistent enough to warrant a second look. You just try to wait them out.
And keep company with people your age. They will understand your experience and be willing to commiserate about such yucky things as flooding periods and incontinence. Word of caution, husbands don't count as shoulders to cry on. Why? Check the second sentence of this paragraph.
I once casually mentioned to my husband that I had a bad day emotionally and was very solicitously asked why I didn't call him. And the poor guy got his head bitten off!! "Call you and then what? How will you possibly understand? Can you tell me you've been there? Done that? How can you possibly comfort me? " The gentle response was, "But I would've listened..." Nope!! No good. "Listened to what? Me whining?" There is no good answer to that. So no, do not attempt that.Not for your sake, but for his.
Which brings me to where we began. I recently found a poster that read, 'Do more of what makes you happy'. Then it struck me. It doesn't matter what it is. It could be a sweet treat. It could be a sappy movie. It could be a new pair of pants. It could be a Gin and Tonic.Whatever makes you happy. Others can judge. Let them judge away. This happiness is yours alone. Don't let anyone decide it for you. You can get others to come along for the ride. But you are the driver.
That is where Prabhas comes into my story. After watching Baahubali, my curiosity was piqued about the guy and I went watching quite a few of his movies. Generic Indian movies most of them. Almost all the heroines are familiar to Tamil movie goers. There seems to be a dearth of actors in the Telugu field. Too many older Tamil actors playing Prabhas's dad in too many movies. There is a movie in which he portrays a person who knows Tamil. His pronunciation is atrocious, but endearing nonetheless. 'Mirchi' was one of the more decent movies of his. He needed a better costume designer in his earlier movies. All the tattered clothes and jangly bangly things were no good. Mirchi was a huge improvement. And did you see the recent GQ India cover he did? Fabulous!! And all this research took my mind off what was going on with me. Not entirely, but enough to give me a breather. I can see my husband rolling his eyes already!! Remember, people can come along for the ride, but you are the driver. You do more of what keeps YOU happy.
So in the end, your periods will not be the only thing you will lose at the end of this crazy journey. It will be all the physical and emotional upheavals that accompany you on this road. But please make sure you do not lose your equilibrium and your sanity along the way. Like a great man once said "This too shall pass." And in the meanwhile, do more of what makes you happy. And if it involves Prabhas, albeit without his knowledge, more power to you girl!!
For the record, I don’t know the guy personally, I’ve just watched a few movies of his and don’t actually consider him the bee’s knees.He is an okay actor, a looker, true, but Dhanush can eat him up for dinner. But in a funny sense, he did save my life, metaphorically not literally.
I discuss this with my school friends a lot on our Whatsapp group all the time.Whoever said 40 is the new 30, was most definitely not a woman. And there are multiple websites and blogs that would bear out my statement. Forties is when your female body decides, somewhat half heartedly, that it should, maybe, revert to that eleven year old, prepubescent self of yonder years. Those days of languor when you didn't worry about what each month brought or if you were well prepared for it. That sledgehammer of emotions accompanying that monthly visitor.The changes in your body that frankly fascinate and disgust you simultaneously.
But as with everything in life, walking back something is no easy task. So the body decides to tackle this monumental task full force.There is no gentle nudging.There is no cajoling.There is just this horrible horrible push back. Fast forward in reverse. But remember how your hormones made you feel and do crazy things? The cramps, the flooding, the back ache, the fatigue, the achy breaky legs, the acne, the nausea, the indigestion, the heartburn, the headaches, not to speak of the mood swings, the anxiety, the sadness and unexplained bouts of hysterical happiness -true we all had some or all of it at different times in different combinations, but have them we all did- all of it comes back, but a 30-40 year span of experiencing them is compressed into maybe a minimum of five and a maximum of ten years. All forty years worth of it!!
I know some ladies reading this go,"Well, I don't know what she's talking about,I am fine.Yeah, I have the occasional mood swing or a hot flush, but I'm okay overall." Happy you!! Looking back, we can all recollect...Eeeks!! forgot to mention the forgetfulness and mental fog!!!...okay, deep breaths..mmmmm what was I saying again?
Like I was saying, not everyone experiences the same set of horrors, and lifestyle variations can cause a difference in our perimenopausal symptoms too. Korean women sail through perimenopause and even menopause because of the amount of tofu ingested (or so I've read). It is the estrogen that soy provides. Maternal experience can be an indicator of what you will go through too. So ask your Mom. But mine said she prayed her anxiety away, so no help there for me. Siblings are a great help.Horror stories can be compared and contrasted and a timeline developed.An older sibling is of immense help. Especially if the genetic thing works.You can track you trajectory based on her experience. Mine is almost on a similar timeline as I am. But it helps though.
There are blogs that educate you and then let you vent. I mostly look at the comments section to see our sisters in misery share their stories. And stories they are! The sheer spectrum of experience that you read about is very enlightening. The multiple trips to the ER. The hot flushes requiring changes in attire or bed linens.The mind numbing fatigue. The emotional roller coaster. Ironically it makes you feel good about yourself. Not just because misery needs company, but because you feel normal at least for a while. Until your monkey brain climbs back on that wheel of misery.
Personally for me, the realization that there is no rhyme or reason for the roller coaster of physical and emotional symptoms was very reassuring. The one word that popped up over and over again in those blogs and comments sections was, drum roll please, 'crazy'. The reassurance by the blogger that you were not crazy and the comments from all those helpless souls that they thought they were crazy and were relieved they were not! For cheap thrills, google 'the 35 symptoms of menopause' and go down that boulevard of terror. Nightmare on Elm Street got nothing on it.
The other experience that caught my attention was how, for me, like for many other women, things went downhill overnight. I woke up one day feeling out of control. I still remember the day. And I still haven't regained my composure. I haven't gone back to that person I was before that day. It seems like a distant memory. Some days my fogged up brain yearns for the clarity I possessed before that day. The sense of ease. It has been more than three years now and after running around like a chicken with its head cut off and visiting my doctor more times than I really would like to, I've gritted my teeth and am in this for the long haul.Even if I am an average perimenopausal duration kind of woman, I have a few more years of, excuse the word, craziness to go. So, I might not grin and bear it, but what choice do I have? Besides I've been told it hits a peak and then there is a down hill for the symptoms.
But through it all the one thing that I still possess is my mind, foggy as it is, and God forbid, it still functions. Forgetfulness is a faithful companion. Even the other day I kept staring at a plant in the house whose name I know really well, but I drew a blank. But two days later, I had it! Wigella.
So my mostly sane mind is both friend and foe. It makes me pull back from full fledged paranoia and also ironically, pushes me to the edge. Perimenopause, I have learnt is unique in the fact that there is no official diagnosis (easy one I mean). Hormones are fluctuating so much, even a saliva test cannot completely confirm it. The symptoms are all over the place that tracking them or even expecting a pattern out of them is too much to ask for. I had a school friend say she used to have different symptoms everyday. I completely agree with her. I usually wake up, and it takes a few hours before I know what my day is going to be like. Whether my complaint of the day will be a persistent headache, or stomach issues, or heart palpitations, it's all up in the air. It is like the flavor of the day-surprise!! And unlike PMS, the end of your cycle doesn't free you of the symptoms.You merely end up with other ones.
Birth control in its own way is supposed to help, but then again, like death and taxes, menopause is inevitable too isn't it? Natural remedies like some herbs help. Bioidentical progesterone is supposed to help too. So all is not lost, but again reading comments from my sisters in misery, these remedies seem to dole out relief to a select lucky few picked seemingly at random. So expecting some relief is good, but you might have to have help from a naturopath who might suggest things that again, might or might not help. Feeling lucky about the lottery?
I know, I know, I sound like gloom and doom, which incidentally is my state of mind most of the time. The best part about this is that it will end. It.Will. End. For sure. Ask your mom, your aunts, your mother-in-law. My Tai Chi teacher, a wise soul if I have ever seen one, who describes even seemingly tame maneuvers with descriptions like,"You are kicking him in the groin!" (which same move was described by a male teacher as a simple upward kick), said, "Honey,you will be so happy on the other side!You will be your sweet 11 year old self again!"
So yes, there is light at the end of the tunnel. But no stopping and staring and willing it to come closer. It doesn't work that way. If anything, doing nothing befuddles you and fogs up that light.
What helps me best is diversionary tactics.Things that take my mind off that persistent crick in my neck, or that lingering sense of unease. I am very social and make good use of that. I go out.As much as I'd rather curl up in bed with a book, I drag myself out.I volunteer in the library. Twice a week. I feel so worked up some days. But around people, you can't afford to scream primally or sob terrifyingly. So you learn to put your mind to work. You swallow all those weird sensations and impulses.
Mindfulness helps immensely.Acknowledge whatever it is you are feeling and move on. When I get a seemingly new symptom that I am sure is the one that will kill me, I usual think back to when I know I had it before. I will think about the intensity the last time around, the duration and then, will decide to wait it out this time around too. And almost all the time, it works. Remember I mentioned waking up in the morning and finding out what the symptom of the day is? Very few are persistent enough to warrant a second look. You just try to wait them out.
And keep company with people your age. They will understand your experience and be willing to commiserate about such yucky things as flooding periods and incontinence. Word of caution, husbands don't count as shoulders to cry on. Why? Check the second sentence of this paragraph.
I once casually mentioned to my husband that I had a bad day emotionally and was very solicitously asked why I didn't call him. And the poor guy got his head bitten off!! "Call you and then what? How will you possibly understand? Can you tell me you've been there? Done that? How can you possibly comfort me? " The gentle response was, "But I would've listened..." Nope!! No good. "Listened to what? Me whining?" There is no good answer to that. So no, do not attempt that.Not for your sake, but for his.
Which brings me to where we began. I recently found a poster that read, 'Do more of what makes you happy'. Then it struck me. It doesn't matter what it is. It could be a sweet treat. It could be a sappy movie. It could be a new pair of pants. It could be a Gin and Tonic.Whatever makes you happy. Others can judge. Let them judge away. This happiness is yours alone. Don't let anyone decide it for you. You can get others to come along for the ride. But you are the driver.
That is where Prabhas comes into my story. After watching Baahubali, my curiosity was piqued about the guy and I went watching quite a few of his movies. Generic Indian movies most of them. Almost all the heroines are familiar to Tamil movie goers. There seems to be a dearth of actors in the Telugu field. Too many older Tamil actors playing Prabhas's dad in too many movies. There is a movie in which he portrays a person who knows Tamil. His pronunciation is atrocious, but endearing nonetheless. 'Mirchi' was one of the more decent movies of his. He needed a better costume designer in his earlier movies. All the tattered clothes and jangly bangly things were no good. Mirchi was a huge improvement. And did you see the recent GQ India cover he did? Fabulous!! And all this research took my mind off what was going on with me. Not entirely, but enough to give me a breather. I can see my husband rolling his eyes already!! Remember, people can come along for the ride, but you are the driver. You do more of what keeps YOU happy.
So in the end, your periods will not be the only thing you will lose at the end of this crazy journey. It will be all the physical and emotional upheavals that accompany you on this road. But please make sure you do not lose your equilibrium and your sanity along the way. Like a great man once said "This too shall pass." And in the meanwhile, do more of what makes you happy. And if it involves Prabhas, albeit without his knowledge, more power to you girl!!
Being there! Doing that! Wonderful AJS
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