Boob Toob too!

Monday morning was torture. I didn't want to get out of bed at all,like that would postpone the inevitable!!
I managed to get the little one off to school and was sitting with the older one when my husband called to ask what time we needed to be at the hospital,and the teenager's radar went up.He asked for an explanation,and I succinctly told him,I needed his prayers because I was going in for more tests. I managed to do this without my voice breaking down. His reaction?" Oh my God,you're gonna die!!I knew it". If you are someone who looks at signs and omens and portents,which I am,that should have done me in.
We finally managed to get to the imaging center and checked in, at which point,the lady points me to the exact opposite side of the corridor saying ,"You need to go there". There,was the breast center and had the word 'Transitions' emblazoned on top.Transition from what?My knees were almost jelly by the time I walked in and the receptionist gave me a form which apart from asking for details on my physical being, had a second half with two boobs and gaps to fill in measurements and the term ' Size of Lesion' with a line after it! I walked back to Vincent going," Honey, I think this is bad!".
I was called in almost at once,given the ubiquitous gown asked to undress and wait.
The technician came to get me and explained how they had found suspicious looking things on my left boob and I had to get more X-rays.
Believe me,this time,it HURT!! They  needed more pictures,so more squishing and squashing and frankly,staring down dispassionately at someone posing your boobs for an X-ray is a blog post in itself. The boob is so highly sexualised in society and what with Pamela Anderson and silicone implants,they are at a whole new level.Did you see Kate Upton  on the beach in her recent movie?!
Anyway,we were done in ten minutes and she asked me to wait in the lounge and said there was coffee,tea......
I walked in and my world changed!!Two women were sitting there,obviously having gotten their mammograms done before me,and one look at me,they knew.I was a newbie and that I was virtually tripping! If sweetness,and consideration can be measured,they, I would say, doled it out by the ton!If you are a believer in good karma as I am,the ladies earned it in spades yesterday!
They were so sweet,reassuring me I was going to be fine,and that they had been through it so many times and had almost always been called back,and that there was safety in caution and that I would be FINE! They each shared their experiences,stories about their relatives,kids.....time flew by and I heard my name called. The technician told me they needed ultrasounds.She did reassure me that since it was my first mammogram,they had no baseline pictures for me,and this could always be the reason. She  let me know that an ultrasound technician would come for me,and that my husband could come in if I wanted him to.
Soon, we  were in the imaging room,with this tall burly African American guy doing my ultrasound.I know,I know I was past the point of caring! The first time around he couldn't find anything and had to go out and get my mammograms to figure out where he needed to look and to me, that was reassuring!If he couldn't find it, it probably wasn't there, right? But the smart fella,zoned in on the lump going," There it is!", and my hope deflated!He promptly started measuring and doing the temperature comparison thingy( which I have deduced indicates the density as well as consistency of the offending material vis-a-vis the surrounding tissue).After a few minutes of this he looks up and goes," You know what, I don't see anything wrong there,it just seems like your lymph modes,nothing else."I breathed out after almost sixty hours!!He went in to have the doctor take a look at it,gave me the green light,escorted me to the changing rooms and left.
I stood there,wearing my clothes and felt the tension drain out on me - it was like this cheesy scene in Tamil movies when either something horrific,or something romantic happens- the world stands still,birds in mid air,waves mid-crash  in the ocean,trees frozen in their swaying?Music plays,pathos or romance,reaches a crescendo  and then -life resumes!!
I was elated,but the one  thought that went through my mind was that I couldn't do this again.It was too scary.
I walked out and one of my guardian angels had left having gotten the all clear and other was waiting for an ultrasound.I walked up to her,wished her well, thanked her,and left.
My life goes on,I picked up where I left off.But I wonder how many women who walked yesterday into that very same place had walked out to an altered worldview?My heart aches to think of them,how in a short span of two hours,you could go from a regular person with a life to someone who is facing something as fear inducing as cancer?
Life is precious,I learnt,over the course of a horrible weekend,treasure it,treasure the people in it,make positive memories,enjoy every moment,laugh,savor everything,because like they say,you live only once!
And be nice. I sent a mail to someone with whom I had a misunderstanding and am in the process of trying to reach out to another,just to clear the air.
At the end of the day,when you pass,what you leave behind needs to be broken hearts,not a bank balance and materials which do not mourn for you,heck they wouldn't even know you are gone!!
We have temperatures in the eighties this week here and I ,for one,will wear all the skirts I have collected over the years,throw the kids out and say,get on your bikes guys,treasure it!!
Life is great!!!