Praise by the ladleful or not?
Recently I noticed that my older kid seems to think he is invincible( he doesn't  try to fly off walls thank God,but has this illusion that he is never wrong).While thinking that, at 11 years of age, might be fairly normal,it irks me when he finds the world at large to be the cause of everything that is wrong in his life,never him.This thought process is being remedied by a textbook on critical thinking that was purchased by Dad to be used as part of the homeschooling curriculum,but used by Mom for moral instruction.
Critical thinker,he is not-atleast that is what lesson one pointed out to him-so far,so good.
That is what got me thinking-are we battering his self esteem by pointing it out to him that he is not so special?David McCullough's speech comes to mind.
My parents were not the kind that dole out praise by the kilo-they held my sister and I to really high standards and when we met those standards,we were appreciated,never feted or rewarded with grossly disproportionate things.They never went around telling all and sundry about our achievements either.They were very toned down in their praise of us kids in public.Our capabilities spoke for themselves-never mind that now the two of us,both professionally qualified women,stay home and look after the kids!!
I know of a family where the children are run of the mill kids,but they have been given this notion that they are somehow superior to every child around them (the fact not based on merely the kid's abilities,but his family's place in society).I had the opportunity of knocking heads with one of these kids and boy is the kid clueless!!!Unfortunately,this misplaced sense of superiority tends to be manifested as pride and something else-the inability to see or even acknowledge the superiority of someone else over yourself. Of course,all children brought up this way,don't necessarily end up being blowhards,because,thankfully,their better nature takes over,or they get a trouncing from real life and get straightened out.So with my kid,I am hoping, with not so subtle nudges from his parents,and hopefully his nature taking over at some point,he won't need straightening in the future.
But here's the rub-I am ,to a certain degree,insecure about my capabilities-so when blowhards pooh pooh what I do,I develop an antipathy towards the person concerned and carry a lifelong grudge against that person-pretty petty stuff huh?
So praise by the ladleful?Nope!
Teaspoons-no,no no.
I am thinking -the ice cream scoop-easy to dole out too ,right?