One of my most favorite books is Somerset Maugham's 'Of Human Bondage'. Filled with a lot of unlikable characters,the book is initially annoying to read and becomes much more palatable towards the end.But what has always stayed in my mind is the conclusion.The protagonist has grand plans for himself and his future ,when he knocks up a girl and she suspects that she is pregnant. But then it ends up being a false alarm.Just when the hero has reconciled himself to the fact that he might have to give up on his dreams to do right by the girl, she breaks the news to him that it was a false alarm.Instead of relief, he however, feels disappointed, like something within arm's reach has slipped through his fingers.That is when he realizes that the simplest pattern in life in which a man is born, works, marries, has children and dies is also the most perfect. To surrender to that happiness might be defeat, but it is a defeat better than many victories.
As I finish twenty years of married life, I look back at my life and I see the pattern,the simplest yet the most perfect and I am happy.And I am immensely thankful to God for bestowing on me a partner in this journey who is all one could hope for and more.Twenty years have passed in a trice and I have the same thrill in my heart when I see him and an outpouring of love when I hear his voice as I did on the day we were married.
Life is not always smooth, we have had our ups and downs, but never have I ever regretted opening up the topic about this guy I went to college with to my parents.
If I want anything for my children, this would be the top of the list: a spouse like mine.Thoughtful,patient( needs a lot of this with a woman like me!), loving, gentle, and sweet.
But most importantly, he has just let me be. I have never felt compelled to change my self, my opinions, my tastes, even my weight! I am who I am and he loves me for it.
He has supported me through all my crazy notions. Any experiments in the kitchen or elsewhere, that fall flat, are always taken in good spirits. Successes are wildly applauded.
Child rearing has us butting heads more than I thought it would-ironically he is the stricter one, while I go a little easier on the kids. But even there, there has been enough give and take that we have never had issues lasting longer than they should.
Our faith in God is strong.Not the expressive kind of strong, but a calm and sane feeling that he guides us every step of the way.
Our notion of charity is identical.As it is said in Mathew says in Chapter 6,Verses 1-4, we give what we can without expecting acknowledgement and we are of the same mind about publicising it.
I can already see him rolling his eyes at this sappy outpouring of mine.
So, I'll come up with a few pet peeves just to tilt the balance!
When I clean up in the kitchen, he asks if I need help, as if on cue, when I hit the last vessel to be washed! I've always ask him if he watches from the corner of his eyes and always offers to help when he knows I'm almost done? And coming from someone who clears out the sink for me occasionally, it is a head scratcher !!
And he has not, in these twenty years, become more sociable. Don't get me wrong, there has been noticeable improvement, but I can still keep clamoring on and he will listen with minimal interjections and respond with brevity.
As regards these things, by God's grace, we will have the next few decades to work on and improve!
So, here's to you babe-Thank you for all you have been to me and hopefully I have made you as happy as you have made me, every single day of these twenty years.
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