Poetic Justice

I am very wary of making disparaging comments about people's looks.I have been overweight all my adult life and have been at the receiving end of all kinds of comments-rude, mean, thoughtless, stupid and sadly, vulgar ones too.Apart from the emotional pain such comments can cause, one's self esteem also takes a beating-somehow thanks to such comments,people start  looking at themselves differently-like they are all about how they look,not about what they know,the kind of person they are,their character,capabilities and everything else that makes them who they are.
A met a friend of mine over the weekend and mentioned that she looked like she had lost a bit of weight.Her response was shocking-she looked surprised and asked me if I meant it.When I said yes and asked her what brought the weight loss on,she mentioned tearfully that how she looked was not her at all. She said,pointing to herself,"This is not who I am".She said that she had gained weight when she had her son seven years ago and that had let go after that.I encouraged her and told her how the two of us were in it together and that we should change our coffee break routine on fridays to a loooong walk ending in the coffee shop.We have a very svelte friend and we decided she would be our water lady,driving her car behind us shouting encouragements and handing us water as we gasped our way to the cafe!
Hilarity aside,what she said had me thinking.Why should our bodies define us?Unless we are morbidly obese and at a health risk due to that,our looks should not define us.The criteria for success is not how much you weigh,but what you have done with your life isn't it?Your character needs to define you not your looks.Wouldn't  you much rather be a regular looking nice person than a knockout shrew?
Unfortunately, we let the world define us rather than decide for ourselves what we want to be.The media contributes greatly to this misconception, but everyday living in this world can do it too.
When I was in school,I had never felt, even for a single day that I was fat.I was a top notch student, very social and outgoing and had the time of my life in school.I never bothered to worry or even pay attention to my looks.
I went to an all girls school run by nuns and that accounts for the good time I had, but I  learnt the hard way that I had not actually stepped into the real world yet.I went off to college and boy, was it a rude awakening!!
For one it was a co-ed college and the spectrum of people you sat in class with was mind boggling!!True, it was an engineering college,but that did not automatically filter out the riffraff.So most of what I told you at at the beginning of this post happened to me in college.Ironically, intellectual superiority did not eliminate thoughtlessness and indecent behavior,  and that  also contributed to my self esteem taking a beating.Responding to such base conduct would, I felt somehow lower you to another level,so I never stooped to that level.
The supreme irony was that there is always someone who redeems the situation magnificently.I met my husband in college and to this day I am befuddled as to what made him fall in love with me!Not my looks surely!!Which boosted my self esteem  so much, that towards the end of my four year stay there,it pretty much cancelled out all the meanness I had experienced until then.This wasn't an ordinary guy-he was the most intelligent guy in class,the one you wanted to kill because he did classwork so fast,we had lecturers move on to the next topic under the assumption that the rest of us hoi polloi would surely have understood what was being taught?One of the very few who made it through campus placement and was so above it all that you wondered how he deemed to mingle with the rest of us.Actually,he didn't!! But that post is for another day!
I moved on to another college for my Masters Degree and it was so different from my days at the Engineering college.For one,all thirty students had to be engineers and had to have cleared a written aptitude test and group discussion to get admitted into the program-which effectively ensured that only the creme de la creme made it in.
We were just two girls in the program.We had very considerate classmates who included us in all activities they could possibly involve us in, never let us leverage the fact that we were the "weaker sex" and in a way,that healed my wounded pride even more.
The first team project I had, involved a lot of research which required us to make a trip to the university library which in my case involved taking public transportation,while my two male team mates had their bikes.But the two of them insisted I pull my weight and I did. I remember huffing and puffing into class after hurrying back from the library,taking a bus and walking ten minutes to get to class on time-and all my team mates had to say was,"Did you get what we wanted?" Thanks Mahudi and Lakshman!!All the while,this other classmate(Anbuselvan-sweet guy,rabid Rajini fan,passed away a few years ago,RIP Anbu!) was berating them for putting me through so much trouble saying,"Poor thing,she is a girl!!"-But these guys went,"So what?".That was the soothing balm I needed to assuage my hurt psyche.
There were of course, blips that marred the experience,but hey, don't you appreciate things more if you are occasionally reminded of how things could have been much worse?
Fast forward to my first job-in a city far away,but with  a few of my classmates from the Masters program-the fun ones!We had so much fun and lived the good life!!
But a passing comment by one of my friends stay(s)ed with me to this day.He casually,unthinkingly mentioned that a relative of his saw our class photograph and commented that I looked old-almost middle aged and not the twenty something that I actually was.The comment wasn't as rude as the ones I had endured while in my undergraduate course but that he mentioned it to me hurt me immensely.He did not seem to have the sense not to repeat it to me!The inability to think before speaking is the bane of mankind,but this sweet guy had no clue he had said something so hurtful!!He just prattled on and no one in the gang noticed my face blanching or my quick recovery. Rude, vulgar comments from trashy people do not have as much of an impact as off-hand thoughtless ones from people you appreciate.Sixteen years and counting-I still remember it!
Last week,his sister got married and he shared photographs of the occasion-and I did a double take!!!The bride was undoubtedly on the voluptuous side and looked decidedly older than she probably is!!Deja vu!!She looked like me back when her brother made that flippant comment!
I am sure he does not even remember  making the comment so long ago,but to me looking at her was consolation enough!Not that she was probably hurt  in any way like I was(I hope not),but that he, as an undoubtedly protective older brother,probably has at least once shielded her from rude comments or gestures and in that sense, probably already has made amends for his earlier indiscretion.Funnily he made a mistake and I am thinking, made amends without even being aware of either !!
Me,I am sticking to my primal diet(most of the time) and losing weight and hopefully becoming healthier-that is my goal-health-I live isolated from family and don't have that network to fall back on.Which makes staying healthy a top priority-I cannot afford to fall sick-I have my kids to consider.But fitting into smaller clothes would be good too!I have dropped a pant size and am hoping to drop one or two more-so wish me luck!!